Sonya Carter

wan an

Every night, I am afraid of you
because whenever my eyes close
my brain cells listen to my heart, body and soul
as you choose to cook something creative and powerful
then my body knew when to act hype
without causing black swollen under my eyes
my brown pupils become black to lock on
news, murder, politics, drama, marriage, music
until black, white, blue or rainbow static on a box
door slam, drums on a roof, creak
come to my deaf ears to make me believe
that I am hallucinating
every night, I am afraid of you
because whenever my eyes close
my body shake or work hard to stay alive
but you are a brother of death
as you choose to cook something creative and powerful
to fear me or eat me alive from zombies in a dream
until my eyes open before your brother can touch my heart
my mouth gasp from short breath
every night, I am afraid of you
I can’t tell myself, “good night” without being insomniac
only I can tell myself to sleep
when I say wan an
it mean “good night” in Chinese with foo dog to protect me
from you, sleep and death

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